I had been feeling “not myself” for several weeks. I had made comment too many that I wasn’t quite sure if I just had a touch of the flu or was just feeling melancholy for some reason this Christmas Season. Being someone that very seldom visits a doctor’s office, I just kept pushing it off.
I got up that morning with the intentions of packing Christmas ornaments all back up for storage. During the process the onset of weakness and nausea just kept getting stronger and stronger. So I began pacing myself. (Yep, I am one of those people who cannot “not finish” a project started.) I would pack for 10mins and lay down for 10mins. This went on for about 2 hours. By the time my daughter got home that day, I could hardly breathe and I felt as if a vice was on my chest, crushing my chest along with all the other symptoms of heart attack. Funny thing, a heart attack never entered my mind. I just thought maybe a lung had collapsed or something. After another hour of arguing with my daughter, I resigned to her taking me to the Emergency Room. On the way as I began to black out I just remember telling her, I can’t make it to the Big Hospital, just take me to the smaller one up town. And after that I began praying to the Lord that if this was my time, then take me, but just take care of my daughter. After that I don’t remember much other than the most excruciating pain in my chest and the limpness over my body. With no history of cardiac problems and my age, only being 48 again, a heart attack was not hitting anyone’s radar.
My body was in such pain, I again prayed to the Lord. “Lord, if this is my time, take me, but please take care of my daughter.” It was then I felt the peacefulness come over my emotions. It was like my emotions were separated from the pain. I felt comforted and at peace. They began with all the cardiac medications, trying everything. My parents arrived shortly after. I remember them all being in the room and opening my eyes. The look on my parents face broke my heart. They had already buried one child, and they were thinking they may be about to lose their only child left. I turned my head and prayed “Lord, again, if it is my time, I praise you for the peace you have given me, just give that peace to my parents and take care of my daughter.”
The doctor came and kept saying, the ekg’s all show normal, yet you only respond to the cardiac medications. In a nutshell, he proceeds in telling me that he thought it was a bad case of “heartburn” that sometimes is so bad it mimics a heart attack. He thought he would keep me overnight, just for precaution.
It was during the night I was awaken by people moving around and equipment being brought into the room, and a nurse telling me the doctor is getting out of bed to come in to immediately explain things to me. They placed, what looked like a “crash cart” just outside my room. The doctor shortly was there and told me that my cardiac enzymes had tripled and was continuing to climb and it was time to transport me out to a larger facility.
Again, I had peace. I calmly called my daughter, told her what to pack for me and to bring it up to take with me in the ambulance. I told her, they needed not come and someone will contact them if I was unable to call them. Yes, I am one of those people that I always want to be dropped off at the door of the hospital and don’t come see me until I call you and tell you it is time to pick me up. After all the years, my family finally accepts my wishes.
I remember lying there, waiting for the ambulance transport, with peace in my heart, and people around me rushing around. I began to pray for the people in my life. Those close and those who have crossed my path in life, for the Lord to bless them and to take care of them.
Hours later I was prepped and ready for surgery to go in and find out what was going on with my heart. I remember the doctor coming in before surgery and saying, you are too young, you look younger than your age, you don’t have cholesterol or a blood pressure problem. You are not our “Text Book Patient.” Yep, I knew and had heard this many times before from other health circumstances in my life. I again before going to sleep prayed to the Lord NOT for my healing BUT for all the people in my life. Praising Him for feeling His presence in the midst of what was happening, and the wonderful indescribably peace He had given me.
Here’s the part where non-Christians will not understand, but when I awoke from the procedure, I had a feeling of loss and disappointment. I was still on this earth, not where I longed to be, in the arms of my Heavenly Father. As Christians, that is how we are to live our life, so looking forward to being with Him.
The doctor came in and told me that it was not I had a 100% blockage in my heart. My heart muscles were starving for blood supply. He told me “you just experienced one of the Silent Killers of Women. Only God could have orchestrated the circumstances that got you here, and the outcome of the results. The timing and outcome were pure and beautifully done. God was in control.” To this day my family is still upset about the “Heartburn” diagnosis by the ER doctor. I just see it differently. With a smile I understand that God was indeed in control. And by that experience, I think that doctor will not be so quick to make that diagnosis. So maybe it will save the next woman who does not “fit the mode of a heart attack.”
Later before leaving the hospital, one of the nurses asked me, “we are all wondering, how did you keep smiling and never showed anxiety in the midst of your situation?” I could only tell her “I thought it was my time and thought I was going to my new home. I was at peace. Apparently God has other plans for my life.”
I would not be telling the truth that the ride back to my earthly home was a somber one. But in it, I now find excitement of what God has for me to do for Him. No matter what the task, I longing look for His fingerprints in my life. I get up each morning, “Lord, what can I do for you today?” He never disappoints. I may never understand why I had to endure what I did on January 1, 2012. But I just hope that I don’t disappoint Him in the works He needs to accomplish for Him. So ladies, there is a Silent Killer out there that we most often ignore, thinking we are too young, won’t happen for another 20 or more years. Nourish and listen to your body, but most importantly, Nourish your Soul.
Thank you Lord, for being my peace and for allowing me to experience that you were holding me in the midst of the storm. I now have a taste, and what a treasure it gives me to know, in the end if we stay in the Plumline of His Will, we will experience the separation of emotion, and experience the peace only He will give us. Loving My God and Looking Forward to continue to do His Holy Will. ((hugs until next time))