The Concrete Wall

Growing up I was raised in church and as I grew older I began to stray away and become more of the world. It was hard for me growing up because I was always so ridiculed for being "different." Different in the sense of only being allowed to wear dresses to school including in P.E. class, except I was allow to wear shorts under my skirts. Different in the sense that I could not wear makeup nor cut my hair. ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE...I was always tallest in the school up until I began High School. Of course I remember the ridicule, but I also remember the teachers who would pull me aside and tell me how nice and refreshing to see me always dressed so nicely for school. They would always reassure me that I was building great character. It was when I received my license and began to work that I began drifting. I remember getting my hair cut and wearing makeup at first. It was really great at first, then I was no longer "different" I became blended with everyone else. I became no longer identified to others as being "different." At 16, I began dating and fell crazy about one young man. There was a breakup in the relationship and I just thought that my world was over. Ladies, haven't we all been there at some point in growing up? This particular time I wanted to end my life. It was while I was traveling at a high speed down I35 and in the left fast lane where I was beside a concrete barrier that I decided to turn the steering wheel into the wall. In my mind I was preparing myself for hitting the wall and then instantly dieing to end my broken heart. It was to my surprise that as I opened my eyes, I had not hit the wall at all. I had not even scratched the car! The MOST CONFUSION of it all was that I was now further down the interstate and did not know how I got there let alone how the car remained straight. I was now a few exists from the church I had attended for many years and I knew that the doors were always left unlocked. With that in mind and the experience that I had just went through, I was so drawn to go to the church. The lights in the church were kept dim and I sat down in the very back and lowered my head and began to pray. I guess I might have been questioning God more than actually praying. I felt a presence move in behind me and knew that I was no longer alone. Scared, yet I immediately felt peace as I felt a touch on my shoulder. It was the hand of a dear sweet prayer warrior of the church. I immediately began to weep. Without words from me, she began to immediately pray for me and then began telling me how she had been at home and God nudged her to leave from her home and come up to the church. She herself had struggled with the request because it was late and she lived over 30miles away. But as an obedient servant of God, without knowing the reason for the task, she just went. And now she knew why, it was for her to be there for me. It was God's plan for her to be there. To counsel me and to reassure me that God had plans for my life. To tell me that it was not by MY CHOOSING when I would terminate my life. (Jeremiah 29:11,KJV) "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you...to give you an unexpected end." To the unbelievers, they will say the whole scenario was just my subconscious that played out a scene in my head in a matter of seconds. And that as a "Prayer Warrior" the woman was normally at the church. To the believers, it was the hand of God. As I shut my eyes and turned that wheel- HE kept it straight and forward. And it was God to have that woman waiting for me. It was ll in HIS PLAN. I regret to say that moment in my life when I was making promises to God again, I ended up not keeping them. It was only a short time when I pushed the memory of it back in my mind and began to slip away from church again and back out unto the world. It brings tears now to think of how my actions must have made Christ feel. He gave His life for me and I took and discarded His love. Until tomorrow ladies, love to you and remember...we are children of God when we commit ourselves to Him. Our Heavenly Father watches us make mistakes, but He loves us and wants us to come running back to His open arms of love and protection.